Mediation and litigation are two very different ways to solve the same family law problem: how to move forward when a relationship changes. One path is built around guided agreement. The other is built around court decisions.
This is general information, not legal advice. A lawyer can help you apply Washington law to your facts.
Mediation and litigation are different for one big reason
The main difference is control.
In mediation, you and the other person shape the outcome. A neutral mediator helps you talk, trade proposals, and write down terms you both accept.
In litigation, a judge makes decisions when you cannot agree. Your case follows court rules, deadlines, and hearings. A trial is the final stop if settlement does not happen.
Both paths can end in a signed order. The way you get there can feel worlds apart.
What mediation often looks like in a Washington family law case
Mediation is usually a series of meetings (in person or online). Each session has a goal, like sorting out parenting time, dividing assets, or setting support.
A mediator is not a judge. The mediator does not “rule” on who is right. The mediator runs the process, keeps things moving, and helps the conversation stay productive.
What people often work out in mediation
Many Washington cases use mediation to reach an agreement on:
- A parenting plan and residential schedule (often what people mean by child custody)
- Decision-making for school, medical care, and activities
- Child support details
- Property and debt division
- Spousal support (often called alimony in everyday talk, and “maintenance” in Washington)
You can settle everything in mediation, or you can settle a few big pieces and leave the rest for another process.
Why mediation can feel less stressful
Mediation usually happens in a private setting. There is no witness stand. There is no public courtroom audience. For many families, that alone changes the tone.
It can also help when you will have ongoing contact, like co-parenting after Divorce or Separation. A calmer process now can make day-to-day life easier later.
What a lawyer does during mediation
Some people think mediation means “no lawyers.” That is not required.
In Bellevue Family Law cases, it is common to have lawyers in the background, or present during sessions. A lawyer can:
- explain likely court outcomes
- spot missing issues (tax, retirement, debt allocation)
- check wording before you sign
- suggest options that fit your goals
This is also where “advisory” support matters. Even if the case stays out of court, legal guidance can still protect you.
What litigation often looks like in a Washington family law case
Litigation is the court process. It starts with filings and service, then moves through required steps under court rules.
Many cases include temporary orders early on. These can cover parenting schedules, support, or who stays in the home while the case is pending.
After that, there may be:
- written discovery (financial records, questionnaires, requests for documents)
- motions (requests for the judge to decide a specific issue)
- settlement conferences
- trial preparation
- trial, if needed
Why some people choose litigation
Litigation can be the right tool when:
- the other party will not share financial information
- there are urgent safety concerns
- there is a strong power imbalance
- one person keeps breaking agreements
- a fast court order is needed to stabilize the situation
A skilled Litigation Lawyer can also use court structure to stop delay tactics and force progress.
The tradeoffs of litigation
Litigation often costs more. It can also take longer, because court calendars are crowded and the process has many steps.
It is also less private. Court filings and hearings are not the same as a private conference room.
And while judges work hard, a judge does not live your life. A judge makes decisions based on legal standards and the evidence presented. That can feel frustrating when your family’s needs do not fit neatly into a checkbox.
A side-by-side way to think about it
Here is a simple way to compare the two paths.
Control
- Mediation: You shape the terms.
- Litigation: The court shapes the terms if you cannot agree.
Speed
- Mediation: Often faster when both people show up ready to negotiate.
- Litigation: Timelines depend on motions, discovery, and the court’s calendar.
Cost
- Mediation: Often lower total cost, but it depends on complexity and preparation.
- Litigation: Often higher total cost, especially if there are many hearings.
Stress level
- Mediation: Often calmer, with more room for creative solutions.
- Litigation: Can be tense, with conflict built into the structure.
Privacy
- Mediation: More private.
- Litigation: More public.
Best fit
- Mediation: Works well when both people can negotiate in good faith.
- Litigation: Works well when court orders are needed to move the case forward.
When mediation often works well
Mediation tends to work best when:
- both people are willing to share financial details
- both people can sit in the same “room” (or virtual room) safely
- there is enough trust to try proposals and counterproposals
- each person can speak up and advocate for their needs
- the main dispute is about priorities, not safety
It can also work well when the goals include:
- protecting kids from conflict
- building a co-parenting plan that fits real schedules
- finding a fair way to handle alimony that matches budgets
- keeping family details out of court filings
When litigation may be the safer or smarter route
Sometimes mediation is not the right tool, at least not at the start.
Litigation may be the better fit when:
- there has been domestic violence, coercion, or intimidation
- one person controls all money, accounts, or records
- a parent will not follow existing parenting agreements
- one person is hiding assets or income
- the situation needs immediate court orders for stability
In these cases, a court process can create boundaries and enforceable rules. Later, once things are stable, some families still use mediation to settle remaining issues.
Many cases use both paths
Real life is rarely “all mediation” or “all trial.”
A common pattern looks like this:
- File the case so the court has authority.
- Get temporary orders if needed.
- Exchange key financial information.
- Mediate the big issues.
- Use litigation only for the issues that will not settle.
This is one reason it helps to work with a lawyer who handles both settlement work and courtroom work. The strategy can shift as the case changes.
How each path handles the big topics
Parenting plans and child custody issues
Washington uses parenting plans to address schedules, decision-making, and dispute resolution steps. Mediation can be a strong fit here because parents can build a schedule around real routines: school drop-offs, sports, work shifts, and travel time.
Litigation becomes more likely when there are safety concerns, repeated conflict, or major disputes about where a child will live. A judge can set boundaries and order evaluations or other steps in some situations.
Alimony and spousal support
In Washington, “maintenance” decisions usually involve budgets, earning capacity, and the standard of living during the relationship.
Mediation can help because it allows more flexible solutions. People can agree on step-down payments, review dates, or support tied to specific goals like job training.
Litigation may be needed when the numbers are heavily disputed, income is unclear, or one side refuses to negotiate.
Property and debt division
Many families settle property issues in mediation once they have a clear list of accounts, home equity, retirement, and debt. The key is full information.
When information is missing, litigation tools like discovery can force disclosure and protect against gamesmanship.
Tips that make mediation more useful
If you plan to mediate, preparation matters more than people expect.
- Gather financial documents early (pay stubs, tax returns, account statements).
- Write down your top priorities, plus a few tradeable items.
- Think in “packages,” not single issues. A parenting schedule and support often connect.
- Keep proposals clear and specific. Vague ideas cause repeat sessions.
- Bring your lawyer in early if the issues are complex.
Mediation works best when the session is not the first time anyone has looked at the numbers.
Tips that make litigation less painful
If litigation is needed, you can still protect your time and money.
- Focus on the issues that truly change outcomes.
- Follow court orders closely. Judges notice patterns.
- Keep communication short and factual.
- Track expenses and parenting time carefully.
- Ask your lawyer what “good enough” looks like for each issue.
Many litigated cases still settle. Litigation can be the structure that pushes a case toward a fair agreement.
Call Today To Work With Story Law in Bellevue, WA
If you are facing Divorce or Separation, the right approach depends on your goals, your safety, your finances, and how workable communication is right now. Some families benefit from a mediation-first plan. Others need a Litigation Lawyer to get court orders in place before meaningful negotiation can happen.
Story Law helps clients across Bellevue Family Law matters, including parenting plans, child custody disputes, alimony, and property division. If you want a clear plan for your next step, contact Story Law to talk with a family law lawyer about your options and what fits your situation.
